Great Meeting!

Those of you who were able to attend last night's meeting know what a special and wonderful meeting it was. For those of you that missed it, I will try to recap what we covered and I want to assure you that there will be other opportunities to meet and discuss the issues we covered.

Denise started the meeting with an update on Peggy's health. She shared with us the notes from our most recent medical meeting with Peggy where we discussed Peggy's end-of-life care and wishes (Diane and Clarence from Hospice prefer to refer to it as "rest-of-life" care).

We are grateful to Peggy for her planning. This is a gift to all of us. We are so appreciative of the fact that Peggy has been spending the past year or so planning in more and more detail what her "rest-of-life" wishes are while she can still communicate them. This gives all of us comfort and relief. This means that even if Peggy were to be locked in tomorrow, we will have a guide to go by and we can feel confident that we are fulfilling her vision of her passing.

I know that this is not easy to hear or to talk about, and yet, it is a part of this journey that we are on with Peggy...part of the journey that we are all on. Clarence and Diane from Hospice shared with us so much wisdom and really gave us new perspective, positive ways to look at this special time with Peggy.

We don't know how long Peggy has in this body of hers, but we are so happy to have Hospice join the team now, so that they may provide support to Peggy and all of you as we enter this "rest-of-life" period with Peggy, be it weeks or months or years. With communication being more challenging these days, this is a period of time when we need to support each other, be proud and easy on ourselves, and find ways to connect to Peggy beyond words.

And you are all doing this already! But from some of the conversation last night, I know that there is some fear. Fear of the unknown and also uncertainty of our ability to give Peggy what she needs.

One of the gems of wisdom that Diane shared is that we should look at it like bookends of life...we instinctively love newborn babies and care for them with lots of touch and gentle words, we hold them and sing to them...we don't need reassurance from them that we are doing a good job, we don't need them to say thank you or smile or give back in anyway. We can connect with Peggy in the same way now and at the "end". Know that you just being there and loving her is what she needs.

We spoke also of "Presence" - this is the best gift that you can give to Peggy. Your presence. This is what brings Peggy joy. And help our cherished visitors when they enter Peggy's room, help them to know that they don't need to do anything, that being there is the gift. They don't need to fill the space with busyness or chatter or entertainment...while those things are wonderful and have their place, they are not the most important thing. A gentle touch, eye contact, a smile...Presence. These are precious to Peggy's spirit.

Many of you worry that you cannot communicate with Peggy or fear a time when she is completely locked in, but you already communicate with her beyond words now! Think about it...you KNOW when Peggy wants something from you, you KNOW when she is laughing, you KNOW when she is happy, you KNOW when she is saying goodbye or that she loves you...but how do you know? Because we communicate beyond words everyday. And because you all have a connection with Peggy that goes deeper than words or expression.

You all know Peggy. You know her likes and dislikes and you could all care for her blindfolded! You know how she feels about George Bush and you know how she loves to dress up for Dr. Davis. You know that she's a diva that loves cats and boas and leopard print and jewelry and shopping and gossip and PARTYING! Your connection with her, your ability to know her and communicate with her is not an ability you are going to lose, not now, not ever. Trust in yourself. And trust in Peggy.

We also want you all to know that this journey that we are on with Peggy includes all of you. Peggy and the family's vision of Peggy's passing is not a private period of time that you will be excluded from. You are all family. You will all know when we are getting close to the end of her time here. You will all be informed if her eyes begin to lock in completely. Peggy wants everyone to know, all friends and family to be called. You will all be a part of this part of the journey (if this is your wish).

We will be working with Hospice to plan ways in which we can have their support available to all of you. We have discussed the ideas of more regular support meetings, meetings at the house, having them be available by phone for questions...please email me if you have an idea of how we can support all of you at this time.

Eric, Elroy, and I are so grateful to all of you. I feel so grateful when I hear from so many of you that you are honored to be a part of this "rest-of-life" time with Peggy. It never ceases to amaze me how strong, loving, caring, and devoted you all are. You have given Peggy the gift of life, but you have also given me, Eric, and Elroy more joy, strength, and quality of life than you will ever know. Thank you. As Diane said last night, you are an "Army of Compassion"!

I love you all and Peggy loves you all. I don't fear what the future will bring, I know that together we can handle it all...with grace and humor and with Peggy guiding us as she always has. And with Peggy as our guide, you know we're in for in for a fun ride!